CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

Eyebrows. What good are they? A small island of hair in the middle of nowhere but on your face. What good are they really? Ever asked yourself that? No. You only care about yourself. Did you know that you’ve never seen Whoopi Goldberg’s eyebrows? You’re about to Google that aren’t you? While at it, also google what Google means. I’ll help you out. A googol is the large number 10¹⁰⁰. Is Google male or female? Could it be female because it knows everything or male because it’s comes up with all kinds of unverified answers in seconds?

Questions. Questions. Questions.

Let’s talk about questions. When is the last time you asked yourself a question as unsettling as who am I really. Beyond your name and the amalgamation of the things you own, the things you think you know and the things you believe in? What if all that was stripped away right this moment? Who are you now? Naked?

Are you now a perpetual search for the next high? The next orgasm? What if each orgasm is a never-ending spiral away from the essence of self and true joy? Not that orgasms aren’t joyful. If anything, they’re the reason why the human race thrives and why a lot of your neighbors are up at night. However, at this point, I invite you to a rather radical concept of ‘karezza’ in which two become one during sex but without the ‘uuuaarrrrghhh’ or what you call the climax or simply coming. No orgasm, no destination, just the process, the feeling and experiencing of each other. This is the deep dive into the present moment where all the sensations are felt and without a satisfying conclusion in sight. Could that be the practice necessary for life and the end of suffering? Are we all about forgetting tomorrow and fully appreciating today without referring to the past? Is being present the ultimate gift?

I must mention at this point that I’ve never really had a moment in my life where I was content and satisfied with things as they were. I was always striving for the next hurdle to overcome, the next thing to be really good at. This was my reality until I discovered ‘The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.’ If you don’t have that one book that changed your life, try this one. (Inbox your email address) After 20 years of being a staunch catholic, at the age of 20, I had to unlearn everything I’d ever been taught or conditioned to believe and replace it with questions. I became agnostic for 9 years. Floating freely, full of questions and never really getting any answers as to who I really am. After 9 years, I had to unlearn yet again, everything I thought I knew. Who am I beyond my talents, my responsibilities, my beliefs and most importantly, my thoughts?

Remember that little thing called childhood? Mummy what’s a pervert? Daddy who’s clande? Are we there yet? We had questions about everything and one day all that came to a gradual halt. We became conscious of asking for fear of hearing answers within us that we don’t like. We fear not being liked for asking questions that cause fear. In fact, there are places that make you feel comfortable for not asking any questions. Church. I was always inquisitive and introspective as a kid. The only thing I never asked was why I went to church. Why is my God the only God and the others are gods? Why am I confessing to a human being who is also a sinner? Will anyone go to heaven if we’re all sinners? Is God white? Is it because he lives above the sun and not under it?

For millions of years, our brains have been conditioned to take the shortest route to life. We’re born, given a Christian name, go to school, get a job, get married in a church, have children, grow old, pension and die. This is what is expected, this is what life is. Or is it? We have to be born and we must die but is there an alternative to everything in between? The Christian name? Traditional schooling? Getting married? Is there?

The best answer I have as to who I am? NOTHING. No Thing. By becoming nothing, one becomes every thing. No attachment, no judgment, no resistance. Just one and everything.

In the end, maybe we never get the answers we’re looking for. Maybe we’re here to live without the tough questions being answered. Maybe we’re here only to improve the quality of our questions and as such, to learn until we’re out of breath. Maybe the reason we’re here is one big question mark?